Thank You for making me a mother.
I know it isn’t quite how You’d planned. And yet, You keep blowing ashes into beauty, grace upon heaping grace, our falling all piled up into this one magnificent mound You’re molding into glory.
I love this mothering job You’ve given me.
You knew how alone I felt. How lost in this wide world of connections. How some days I wondered when someone would arrive whose business it was to be my person.
And so You took my ashes, my pain, my wandering, and You made something stunning. I’m still not sure how that works, that miracle of redemption. But I’ve got proof that it does. Ten fingers, ten toes, my hands, my smile and two big blue eyes to stare into mine.
And You settled me.
I found myself thinking, the other day, What if…
And I know there are some mothers out there who can’t see through to tomorrow’s new mercies, and the What If’s are their only grasp at dreams, and they may like the idea of how their lives could have turned out, but let me tell you.
Not me.
You saved me when You gave me this daughter. I was having such a hard time finding Your love. I had no idea what Your heart really looked like. But then this one day in September, my own heart began to shift. And there I was with a mother heart. There I was the parent who dotes on her child, who would give anything, do anything, cross any distance, brave any terror, sacrifice any comfort…for the beloved child.
As You have shown me how to be a mother, You have shown me how to be the Beloved.
You showed me Your heart by giving me a bit of it for my own child, and I haven’t been able to help but believe You. So I don’t want to imagine my life without her. Because when You gave me her, You gave me more of You.
Thank You for making me a mother.
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